About the reluctant messenger

I call myself a “messenger”, because that is indeed all that I am.  I received a message from Consciousness, and have committed to putting it forth.

I call myself  “reluctant” because I am also indeed that.   I don’t have the verbal or written skills to do justice to this message.  I developed a cognitive disorder about 10 years ago that exacerbates loss in short term memory, inability to find words, or causes me to lose a track of thinking.  None of these make me a very good messenger.  And I have asked “Why me?” of my soul.  My soul could produce a much more competent ego and body than mine.  And hopefully one, or several, will be on their way.  But this message needed to get out earlier than planned, and I was kept in this life to at least begin its dissemination as best I can.  So I will try.

To understand the message and how I was given it, I need to explain a bit about myself.  After having been raised by Catholic parents, and attending Catholic primary and secondary school, I stood up in my Junior religion class, in front of a local pastor, and declared atheism.  Why?  It was very simple.  Staring at myself in the mirror that morning, I realized that there is no need to “create” a fatherly God to explain all of reality, or a motherly God for that matter.  Just accept that reality, as we know it, is all there is.  It was such a simple concept, and so transformative for me as a 16-year-old.

Now, fast forward through 20 years of non-questioning, comfortable atheism.  Then, at my uncle’s death bed, I had an experience that absolutely, irrevocably could not be explained by reality as I had known it.  And then I had many subsequent experiences that could not be explained by my limited view of reality. I was driven into a search for the truth.  I began years of reading:  quantum physics (or at least I tried), eastern religion, Christian Gnosticism, New Age writings, anything that could inform me.

A number of years into my readings, I became convinced that reincarnation is a reality (I figured over half of humanity might be onto something).  So I went into a series of past life regressions that turned into 25 sessions.  Yes, I did remember past lives, and in a fashion that was tactile and vibrant, certainly not my normal dream state.  But what is pertinent to my growth, in understanding reality, is that I was catapulted in several sessions into the time period before I entered this reality as we know it.  I was able to see a much larger plan in place, of which our reality is a part.  I could see this plan in only a very limited, simplistic manner, for reasons that will become evident if you read the material in this website.

It seemed I was on a path of a deepening understanding of our reality, and several more years passed as snippets of knowledge came to me that I had to learn to unpack.  I developed an understanding of reality which I can only say, as compared to my current level of understanding of reality, was like Newtonian physics as compared to Einstein’s physics.  My initial understanding was serviceable, in the same way that a thorough knowledge of gravity is serviceable and useful.  But it hid a deeper reality.  I didn’t feel comfortable with this initial understanding, and so did not work to put it forth.  But, in 2006, I did put it in written but non-published book form, complete with the loud ruminations of an internal critic.  It put it in written form at least to preserve it for me, or for any of my heirs who might be interested.

Now forward again 3-4 years, and a simple phrase entered my awareness:  “All is perception.”  I have learned over these years to differentiate between thoughts that bubble up from my ego, and thoughts that seem to come from a much deeper place. These three words came from that deeper place.  They also held much knowledge that I needed to unpack.  I worked with the meaning of these three words, and it totally transformed my understanding of the reality theory I had been working with.  Shell-shocked by this evolution, I decided not to try to put any theory out until I could see if more words of wisdom would come from that deeper place.  Now, 10 years later, I have not received any further info to alter my current comprehension.  And so, it is time to share this theory.